Thwarting terrorism and other advancements

Before I get into a report of my latest activities, I need to reassure everyone that we are all a little bit safer because my vast, QUEEN-SIZED BUM has been thoroughly vetted by the fine folks at LAX Security.

Let me rewind -- back to the boarding process at LAX on my way out here. At the checkpoint  the TSA agent decreed that I would have to have a full body search because -- wait for it -- the radar screening had indicated that I was in possession of suspicious substances around my waist and on my backside.

She showed me on the monitor: Large globs of yellow where there oughtn't to be anything. Dully, I said, "Huh?" She said I could have the pat-down there or in private, but that she had to make certain I was not carrying any lethal substances about my person. I said, "Bring it on. I've got nothing to hide," and so Brunhilde started patting. And patting.

Naturally, she found nothing but FAT in my OVERLY GENEROUS BUTT. No bombs, no weapons, just butt fat. Alert the media, please.

I'm still not exactly sure how my oversized butt is linked to the threat of terrorists, but I'm sure everyone on Virgin Australia Flight #8 flew just a little bit more securely knowing that it had been cleared before take-off.

OK, so back to Australia and my comings and goings out here. I continue to be very favourably impressed by the friendly and generous people I encounter everywhere. The Australians seem to have a uniformly cheerful disposition. Nobody has been rude or impatient; to the contrary, everybody so far has been eager to help, laid back and kind. When they say, "No worries, mate," they mean it!

Except for the Brisbane Planetarium and Botanical Garden, I really haven't done much in the way of  "touristy" things yet. Instead, I've been busy making friends. For example, I've been to two quiz nights sponsored by two local clubs -- Friendship Force and Quota Club, a woman's service organization. Trivia contests are apparently huge in Australia. I'm rubbish at them -- can't remember my own middle name if pressed -- but they're a marvellous way to meet people and have some cheap laughs.

At the Friendship Force meeting, the theme of the evening was "L." Everybody put together a costume evoking the letter L. The winner had dressed as "Laundry." Afterward there was a trivia contest in which the answer to every question began with, of course, L. Since we didn't play in teams, it was up to each of us to pipe up with our answer. If you got it right, you won a "lolly," or hard candy. What struck me from the start was that nobody cheated; those thumbs on those smart phones remained still the entire evening. Even without electronic aid, I got a few correct answers -- the name of the 16th President of the U.S., Lincoln, was my big hit of the evening -- so I went home with a few lollies, thank heavens. And these nice folks invited me to their next trivia night in a couple of weeks.  I can't wait.

At the Quota Club, on the other hand, my table went down in flames (finishing eighth out of nine teams). I should've warned my teammates of my utter uselessness at trivia, but we had a good time, anyway, and I made two new jolly friends who are meeting me for tea in a few days.

A lovely woman whom I met at the community center and I have hit it off like a house afire -- we've already met for lunch and have two concerts on our calendars in the next few weeks -- and she has even offered to give me a lift to the train station when I head north to the Great Barrier Reef next Monday. Sweet!

My exchanger's book club has also invited me to their next meeting, so I'll have the opportunity to meet even more of my neighbors then -- despite my admitting I haven't read this month's selection because I thought it was crap and refused to finish it. Quoth the member I spoke with on the phone, "Oh, I think most of the books we're supposed to read are crap. In fact, we all think most of them are crap. But we show up and have great discussions, anyway. You'll fit right in!"

You see why I really love these folks?!

And those are just the Aussies: Thanks to a mutual friend back home, I've connected with a delightful couple who grew up in Charlotte/Rock Hill who are living in Brizzy for three years. We had dinner Saturday down at the coast -- all of six miles from here -- in a seaside café and counted our blessings that serendipity had brought us all to this wonderful place.