Stonehenge: Dud City!

I can now report firsthand that Stonehenge is just a big ol’ bunch of nuthin’.

You were expecting me to say that I stood in the ancient stone circle and had visions and felt the souls of long-ago Druids dancing around on my head, right? After all, Stonehenge is supposed to be a large deal to tourists, right? People come by the busload to bear witness to these mysterious icons.

Jeez. I’m sorry, but these people need to get a life!

In fact, it may be sacrilege to suggest it, but Stonehenge could benefit from some Disneyfication. I wouldn’t ordinarily go out on this particular limb, but this particular attraction doesn’t warrant the big build-up it has gotten over the years, in my view.

Picture it: You’ve got your map, you’re motoring down the road in anticipation, you take a right fork, and WHOA: That’s it. That’s IT? All of a sudden you’re driving by these monoliths that are right there in a field by the side of the road. They’re much smaller than I expected. And except for one small road sign, there was no dramatic approach. Just lots of sheep contentedly wandering about in the mud. Blink, and you miss ‘em all.

By the time I arrived on this particular afternoon, the parking lot was closed, so there was no way to access the field, which is enclosed by a fence. I gathered the fence was to keep the sheep in, not to keep the tourists and Druids out. But you could easily see all there was to see from the road, which was very little of nothing.

The sheep were cute, I give 'em that. The whole scene was such a dud, about the only thing to do was laugh.

I’m not saying the Brits should install a concession stand across the road or hang up some neon signs. If Stonehenge were in the States, no doubt some capitalists would have long ago added permanent carnival rides, a Pizza Hut and souvenir vendors to try to make a buck. Leave it to us Americans to take the tacky quotient over the top.

In fact, I admire the way this country has mostly resisted commercialization. The British countryside is still unspoiled. No billboards along the highways. After all, the entire kingdom is like an historical theme park.

But given the great press Stonehenge has gotten for the last 5,000 years or so, one would expect at least a nice little plaque on the property, a platform for a proper photo op, or a Ben & Jerry’s flavour named after it. There wasn't even a T-shirt. Prime property for a clever promoter, I should say.

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Going to another extreme, yesterday I went to Hampton Court Palace, King Henry VIII's digs, where a crew happened to be filming a scene from the next "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie. I swear I saw Johnny Depp in his Jack Sparrow costume. OK, it was only for a second, a mere glimpse, really. But that's my story, and I'm sticking to it! Also saw lots of extras dressed as British soldiers in their red coats -- very handsome, they were.